This exercise can be done “content free”. There is no need to tell anyone else about the situation you recall or your thoughts as you work through the exercise. In fact, the exercise works better without the sharing of content. If you do want to share, please wait till all steps have been completed.  It is much easier to do, at least for the first few times, with a facilitator.

 Steps 

1.   Identify a communication you (A) had with one other person (B). This exchange with B felt unsatisfactory and you are curious to learn from the experience. It is usually easier to learn the Exercise with an example of not so good communication rather than one of your worst memories. If the communication lasted some time it is also useful to identify a particular part of it that seems more significant for your learning.

 2.   Return to the time of the communication. Remember what it was like. What do you want to achieve? What are you seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking? What do you hear yourself say? What is it that B says or does that you feel most strongly about? 

3.   Break state. E.g. jump up and down or think of something that you really enjoy doing. 

4.   Go back to the time of the communication. This time imagine what it was like for B. Stand or sit in “B’s place”. Assume their posture and facial expression. Using your imagination understand what it is like to be B. What is B seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking? What is it that A says or does that B feels most strongly about?

 5.   Break state 

6.   Return to step 2, being yourself. But this time you are better informed by your experience of being B.

 7.   Break state.

 8.   Go to a third position (C) from where you can observe the communication between A and B.  It helps to use as distance for this. As C you feel detached about what happens, it’s just data, you are seeing things more clearly and objectively. Notice how A and B seem to be playing a game and how you sense you understand the rules of that game. Accept all these insights as just information, like scientist watching ants at work.

 9.   Break state.

 10.Return to step 2, being yourself. Again you are better informed by your experience of being detached.

 11. Break state.

 12.Go to a fourth position (D). It is often useful to stand on something to give you a different perspective. Look at the relationship between A, B and C. Be aware of the insights that C has which A will use next time round. Now imagine A and C swapping places. As C communicates with B what is different?  And what does A realise can be done differently.  Have them swap back and let A try out communicating with the insights learned from being B and C.

13.Visit all the positions again to take from them all resources you want to make readily available for future communicating. You might do this by spending time in each position, feeling the full strength of the insights and states and deciding what it is you want available as a conscious resource.

14.When the integration is completed, go back to Step 2,  (A communicating with B). Check if there is anything you still want to have as a resource from the positions.

 15.Go back to Step 4. (B communicating with A). Notice how different the experience is for B now that A is using the resources from all of the positions. 

16.Finally, step back into A and think of a time in the future when the resources you have found within yourself might be useful to you. What sorts of things will first signal to you that now is a good time to access the resources you have just added to your repertoire?

 Once you have learned to swap easily from one position to another this exercise can be done without moving in space. However, it is often more powerful if done physically.  

As well as reviewing what happened in a meeting this approach could be used to rehearse mentally for a meeting. For example, trying out different ways of delivering a message and watching the imagined responses of the other person to help you decide the approach that will be most useful.